Let’s dive into a topic that can be incredibly challenging for many families: relationships with adult children who have narcissistic traits. We’ll explore the difficulties, the behaviors often exhibited by these individuals, and what the research says about this complex issue. Let’s get started.
Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder
First, let’s define what we mean by narcissism. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental condition characterized by a pattern of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. These traits typically begin in early adulthood and can severely impact all areas of a person’s life, including their relationships with family and friends.
Jeanette Raymond, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, explains, “We all have selfish aspects to our personality that help build self-esteem and self-worth. The difference with NPD is that the person has a persistent way of constantly feeling wounded, wronged, and victimized and can’t tolerate your success when set alongside theirs.”
Common Behaviors of Narcissistic Adult Children
So, what does it look like when an adult child has narcissistic traits? Here are some common behaviors:
Understanding the behaviors of narcissistic adult children can be vital in managing and improving family dynamics. Here are some typical traits to look out for:
Entitlement Mentality
Narcissistic adult children often feel they deserve special treatment. They believe others owe them favors or privileges, regardless of whether they’ve earned them. This entitlement can manifest in various ways:
- Demanding Special Treatment: Expecting to be treated better than others in almost any situation.
- Expecting Favors: Believing others should do things for them without reciprocation.
- Lack of Gratitude: Rarely, if ever, expressing thankfulness for what others do for them.
- Constant Need for Admiration: Requiring continuous praise and acknowledgment to feel valued.
Lack of Empathy
Narcissistic individuals often struggle to understand or care about the feelings and needs of others. This lack of empathy can lead to:
- Strained Relationships: Difficulty forming and maintaining close, supportive bonds with family and friends.
- Frustration and Resentment: Family members may feel neglected or unappreciated, leading to tension and conflict.
- Self-Centeredness: Prioritizing their own needs and desires above everyone else’s, often without consideration for the impact on others.
Hypersensitivity and Low Self-Esteem
Despite their outward display of confidence and superiority, many narcissistic individuals have fragile self-esteem. They can be susceptible to criticism or perceived slights:
- Overreacting to Criticism: Responding with intense emotion or defensiveness to negative feedback.
- Perceived Slights: Misinterpreting neutral or benign comments as personal attacks.
- Difficulty with Conflict Resolution: Struggling to engage in constructive conversations about disagreements due to their sensitivity and defensiveness.
Understanding these behaviors can help in developing strategies to cope with and potentially improve the relationship with a narcissistic adult child. Recognizing these patterns is the first step towards creating healthier family dynamics and setting appropriate boundaries.
Estrangement and Narcissistic Traits
Let’s delve into the research on estrangement and the reasons adult children with narcissistic traits may become estranged from their families. Estrangement refers to the emotional or physical distancing from one or more family members. Research identifies three common reasons for estrangement: betrayal, abuse, and poor parenting. Kylie Agillias, in her book, includes other contributors such as:
- Divorce and separation
- Mental illness and addiction
- Pressure from in-laws
- Third-party alienation, including parental alienation
- Non-normative stressors and unanticipated losses
- Life cycle events
- Stress pile-up
- Domestic violence
When it comes to adult children with narcissistic traits, these factors can be amplified. Their sense of betrayal or perceived slights can lead to dramatic and prolonged estrangement.
Prevalence of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Research indicates that estimates of how many people in the United States have narcissistic personality disorder range from 0.5% to 7%. However, the exact number is uncertain as many individuals hide their narcissistic behaviors or thoughts. NPD is more common in men, with estimates suggesting that 50% to 75% of cases affect people assigned male at birth.
Managing Relationships with Narcissistic Adult Children
Living with or being in a relationship with someone with NPD can be highly challenging. Here are some behaviors to look out for in adult children who may have narcissistic traits:
Manipulation and Control
They may manipulate situations or people to get what they want. This can include guilt-tripping, lying, or using charm to influence others.
Superficial Charm
Many narcissists can be very charming and persuasive, often masking their true intentions and making it difficult for others to see their manipulative behaviors.
Inability to Accept Responsibility
They may refuse to take responsibility for their actions, often blaming others for their mistakes or failures. This can lead to ongoing conflicts and a lack of resolution in family disputes.
Seeking Professional Help
Understanding these traits and behaviors can help in managing relationships with narcissistic adult children. However, seeking professional help is essential if you struggle to cope. Therapy and support groups can offer strategies and support for dealing with the unique challenges posed by these relationships.
Sources:
- Parents Magazine: How to Know if Your Kid is a Narcissist and What to Do About It
- Happiness Psychiatrist: 15 Traits Adult Children of Narcissists
- Research on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Estrangement
