There is no doubt that the holidays bring a lot of stress. The nearly two-year horror of the COVID-19 pandemic has catapulted our stress levels substantially. Then the accelerated pace of the holiday season makes matters even worse. Now add the anxiety of what events may or may not happen during your family gathering, and you have some severe stress. Stress from the COVID-19 pandemic has resulted in more anxiety, sadness, and anger in a significant portion of the population. The potential for family drama is real. If you are worried about gathering with family during this holiday season, you are not alone. This article discusses How to deal with family during the holidays during the pandemic. Learn five tips on how to manage the holiday challenge.
No one wants to have a conflict during their holiday gathering. You will benefit from some basic principles navigating heightened emotions at play already. Remember that if the tension escalates, it’s not about winning an argument but resolving the conflict. Conflict can be tricky if one or more individuals get stuck on needing to convince or convert the other to their side. However, when no one needs to win, we can encourage resolution even when there is disagreement. It takes just one person to model and promote being collected and respectful.
Individual opinions on taboo conversations have never felt so intense. However, there is always hope that your gathering can remain friendly and rewarding. If you are hosting, a kind pre-gathering message requesting off-limit topics can preempt conflict. If you are attending, you can politely suggest that your host consider having a friendly conversation with the family.It can be as simple as a request to make the most of their time together, celebrating that all of you are still around to enjoy the day.
What happens if one family member who typically insists on saying too much does it again, and havoc strikes? Ideally, it would be fantastic to get others to stop and calm down. Getting others to behave differently is difficult, if not impossible. Being the voice of reason and calm can positively influence the flow of conversation. Remember, you get to govern only your behaviors, so decide to take responsibility for your part.
Five Tips on How to Manage Holiday Challenges
Be Cool
1. Try to cool off first if you feel too agitated to talk calmly. Practicing a stress-reducing technique such as Relaxing Breath or the Four, Seven, Eight
Method is inhaling and exhaling through the nose by first inhaling to the count of four. Hold your breath to the count of seven. Exhale to the count of eight. Repeat this 3-5 times or for as long as it takes to feel relaxed and less agitated.
Separate The Problem From the Person
2. Try to separate the problem from the person. Most of us have at least one family member who is typically argumentative or opinionated. Maybe your cousin Tom or your Aunt Sally have no problem saying what they think even if it pushes others’ buttons. We tend to see the person as the problem but separating the problem from the person is critical. If we understand that the conflict created is the problem and not them, it helps to quiet the need for blame.
The dynamic that usually happens, the reactions to that comment, and the ricochet of ensuing remarks bring on the conflict. When we reframe the dynamic that creates the battle, we are more likely to understand the importance of not reacting. The concept is simple but implementing it is difficult. Since we only get to manage our reactions in all situations, it’s up to us to manage our behaviors.
Others Are Not Obliged to Agree With You or Anyone Else
3. Remember that the other party isn’t obliged to agree with you on anything. It’s not about getting the other to agree or think you are right. You want to resolve the conflict. Think about why you visit with family. Have you had good times together? Have you had a history mixed with problems and enjoyment? Average families have a mix of situations, and while the more challenging moments can be grueling, you remain a family, nonetheless.
Life is short. We are not guaranteed to wake up tomorrow. Keeping a heart of gratitude towards the ability to gather once again will frame your time with them. In this way, you foster hope for connection and community rather than focusing on the annoying conflict.
Be Respectful
4. Remember the adage, “Do unto others as you would have them do to you.” This insightful Biblical Scripture is brilliant advice and is the secret to being respectful. The atmosphere improves when we treat even the most challenging family members as we would like. When we are agitated and want to get our statement out, it is often the case that someone wants to interrupt or change our mind. It is likely because they are not listening. Isn’t that upsetting? Wouldn’t it be marvelous if they just listened, validated by actually hearing what you said and stating it back to let you know they get you? In following the wisdom of the Golden Rule, you do the listening. Do more listening than talking.
Say to your family member, “I can see your point. I hear what you are saying.” Giving validating statements does not mean you agree. You are showing great respect, and often this is what humans desire, consideration to be heard and understood. Also, when you listen and validate, you provide a safe place to speak without shutting them down.
Agree to Disagree.
5. Yes, remember that it is imperative to agree to disagree in conflict resolution. No one needs to win the discussion, be right, or compromise. When we decide to disagree and find common ground, resolution occurs. Being a family, celebrating, and having traditions together is the glue of family ties. You are all grateful that your family members are still around to celebrate traditions and gatherings.
Holidays can be joyous and challenging, especially with heightened stress and concern about others’ health and well-being. Stress from the COVID-19 pandemic has resulted in more anxiety, sadness, and anger in a significant portion of the population. The potential for family drama is real. If you are worried about gathering with family this holiday season, you are not alone. This article discusses How to deal with family during the holidays during the pandemic. Learn five tips on how to manage the holiday challenge.
