The relationship between mothers and daughters is usually close, but it can sometimes fall apart. It’s excruciating when you stop talking to each other, or the bond breaks down. This article looks at why this happens and how to deal with the emotions that follow. We’ll share practical tips to help you manage the grief and find a way forward.
Why Do Mothers and Daughters Become Estranged?
There are many reasons why mothers and daughters might stop talking. According to research by Kylie Agllias, common reasons include abuse, betrayal, or poor parenting. Here are some other reasons:
- Constant Arguments: Long-standing fights or clashing values can create a gap between mothers and daughters. You might have different views on lifestyle, relationships, or other significant choices.
- Past Trauma or Abuse: If there’s a history of abuse, whether physical, emotional, or otherwise, it can lead to estrangement. Traumatic events from the past can also play a role.
- Mental Health Issues: Depression, anxiety, or addiction can put a strain on the relationship, sometimes leading to a complete breakdown.
What Does Estrangement Do to You Emotionally?
Estrangement from a mother or daughter can lead to intense emotions like guilt, anger, sadness, and loneliness. It can also make you feel isolated from others. Studies show that people experiencing estrangement often have higher rates of depression, anxiety, and even physical health problems. This kind of grief can also affect other family relationships, creating a ripple effect of tension.
Dr. Pauline Boss, an expert on family relationships, calls this “ambiguous loss.” The person is physically gone but still very much in your mind, and there’s no apparent reason or closure.
How to Cope with Grief from Estrangement
Grieving when you don’t have an apparent reason for the estrangement is difficult. It’s not like when someone dies, where there’s a funeral or memorial service. Instead, you’re left with questions and uncertainty. Society doesn’t often offer much support for those experiencing estrangement, making you feel even more alone.
Here are some simple tips for dealing with grief from estrangement:
- Seek Therapy or Coaching: Working through these feelings alone can be challenging. Talking to a therapist or estrangement coach can help you understand and cope with your emotions.
- Be Kind to Yourself: Grief is a process, and everyone goes through it differently. Allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling without judgment.
- Be Patient: Healing takes time. Take your time and expect everything to get better right away. Progress might be slow, and that’s okay.
- Find Ways to Express Your Feelings: Remember to keep everything bottled up. It’s okay to cry, be angry, or feel sad. Find ways to let it out, like talking to someone, writing, or doing something creative.
- Lean on Your Community and Faith: People with strong support networks or faith tend to handle grief better. Reach out to people who care about you and, if it’s meaningful to you, find comfort in your faith.
Moving Toward Acceptance
Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re giving up on the hope of reconciliation. Instead, it’s about recognizing that you can’t control everything. Kylie Agllias, the author of “Family Estrangement: A Matter of Perspective,” talks about acceptance as choosing to keep living, even if things aren’t perfect. It means focusing on what you can control and finding peace with that.
About My Coaching Services
If you’re struggling with estrangement, I can help. As a specialized estrangement coach, I offer private coaching sessions to help you navigate this challenging time. If we’re a good fit, I offer strategy sessions where we can talk about your situation and see how I can support you.
I also have a new program called “Embracing Renewal After Estrangement.” It’s designed to help you find a path forward and work through the grief. You can find more information about it on my website. If you’re interested, reach out, and let’s start this journey together.
Estrangement from a mother or daughter can be incredibly painful, but it doesn’t have to be the end. You can find ways to cope, heal, and move forward with the proper support. Remember, you’re not alone in this. Take it one step at a time, focus on self-care, and seek support from others who understand. If you’d like help, consider my coaching services and strategy sessions to see how I can assist you on your path to healing.
