Estrangement is the relatively recent term when family members experience physical and emotional distance from one or more family members. The condition of estrangement hits at least 27% of individuals in the United States. Your adult child’s perspective and decision to cut off is likely an attempt to manage their discomfort. The loss brings grief an individual experienced that can come in waves. Normal grief lasts about six months. Complicated grief occurs when grief is disturbed and heightened discomfort is present. This article will discuss the difference between complicated grief and normal grief and How to Cope With Complicated Grief When Estranged From Your Adult Child (Ten Steps)
If you’ve been grieving over the loss of your estranged adult child that has gone on way too long, you may be suffering from complicated grief. While normal grief is undoubtedly uncomfortable and shock, bargaining, denial, depression, guilt, and acceptance, complicated grief is a maladaptive form of grief.
Complicated Grief or Prolonged Grief Disorder
Estrangement is when you are cut off, or someone cuts you if, in all cases, it is a horrible condition. Prolonged Grief Disorder, described in the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders 5th edition-or the DSM-5 is a disrupted, unsettled state. It is more commonly referred to as complicated grief. Symptoms include intrusive thoughts, persistent thinking and pining over your adult child, and difficulty believing life can ever be normal without your adult child. Also, emotional numbing, avoiding or excessive focusing on reminders may occur. Complicated grief can include symptoms like you don’t know who you are without the lost person. You may intensely desire reconciliation and feelings of hopelessness and purposelessness. Depression is likely to present with difficulty functioning as you did before the loss.
Estrangement can be traumatizing, and the disrupted symptoms of the trauma require treatment from a mental health professional. Some people get stuck and need support to recover and reintegrate into a life without the lost one. Women over 60 are at the most significant risk-of prolonged grief disorder or complicated grief. About 4% of the population will experience symptoms of prolonged grief disorder and not get better without treatment.
How To Cope When Cut Off From Adult Child When Symptoms Are Present
- Find a mental health professional who specializes in grief bereavement counseling and estrangement. A skilled professional there will guide you towards healing with effective treatments.
- See your primary care physician and ensure you are in good physical health. Your physician will check that your symptoms of depression do not originate from a physical illness. You may need an anti-depressant, depending on your level of depression.
- Be informed about complicated grief and its treatment and estrangement.
- Explore and process thoughts and emotions. Emotions and heightened feelings are not processed, hindering healing. Processing allows you to feel pain, causing prolonged discomfort. Having a therapist who can assist you in an unconditional and non-judgmental setting will help you get through this challenging condition.
- Improve coping skills, and reduce feelings of guilt and blame. Learn how to manage your desire to reconcile with your adult child’s decision. Estrangement from an adult child is a marathon, not a sprint. You will benefit from skills such as breathing techniques and meditation.
- Be prepared for reactions to reminders such as holidays or family events. It is helpful to prepare for times when you might see your adult child or would typically see them by doing normal daily activities and staying social.
- Prioritize being with those who love and value you. Staying connected to others is one of the most beneficial activities. You must resist the temptation to isolate.
- Do self-care. Do daily movement, eat well, follow good sleep hygiene, and stay hydrated.
- Do self-talk that includes adjusting to the loss and finding acceptance with a redefined life without your estranged loved one. Use self-talk to reassure yourself that you will resume your life normally again. Be determined not to go down with the ship.
- Be prepared to deal with reminders by starting new traditions, staying connected to others, and planning a distraction. Line up activities to do that will distract you as well as give you purpose. Find somewhere to volunteer your services, and join a meet-up where you can be around others.
Grief is the natural response to loss, whether from death or estrangement. The five stages of grief gifted to us by Elizabeth Kugler Ross and co-authored by David Kessler are meant to guide one through the varied individual response to grief. Everyone’s experience is unique, with no best or typical way to get to an endpoint. One’s experience will change over time, and the described stages can come in waves. The pain of grief is heart-wrenching, and although one may pine for an end to these emotions, there is no endpoint or shortcut. Normal grief lasts about six months, but complicated grief is a disturbed grief experience that requires treatment. This article will discuss the difference between complicated grief and normal grief and How to Cope With Complicated Grief When Estranged From Your Adult Child (Ten Steps).
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