Are you wondering how to keep your New Year’s Resolutions?
The upcoming days before the new year celebration brings the struggle of what to be resolute about. As though the calendar page turns to a new year springs some unusual quality, some unique power. Have you experienced this dance of possibilities, actions, and beliefs that may take on a life of their own and our resolutions have wings to come true? We soon discover what is necessary is more than hopeful thinking or even hopeful willpower. For change to occur actions need to shift out of the willpower stage to a deliberate lifestyle and mindset change.
The Top FIVE Reasons New Year’s Resolutions Fail
In this article, I am going to share with you my top FIVE reasons why your New Year’s Resolutions may fail and what you can do instead.
1. We tend to overreach our expectations and then drop the entire idea.
Resolutions are about implementing a change that will help us feel better, live better, do better, etc. Unfortunately, most of us have ambitious goals for ourselves that are unrealistic, terribly unforgiving and dishonoring to our personality.
For example, to decide it’s a good idea to awaken at 5:00 am when you are a night owl by nature is not helpful. You will benefit by softening your resolution to awaken 15 minutes earlier instead.
2. We do not make the commitment to create a habit.
Studies tell us there is great variability in habit formation. The key here is forming habits is an individual proposition and sensitivity to your best ways to motivate and stay disciplined is important. It takes an effort beyond the immediate “this is a good idea, let me start this” but instead, it is about your why.
“When you decide you’d like to increase your daily exercise practice because you want to live a healthier life, it anchors more than just wanting to go down a size to look slimmer in those jeans you love.”
3. We neglect the need to prepare.
When we go on vacation, we plan everything: what clothes we will take, who will care for our pets, and manage our work responsibilities. We do this because it’s a big shift and we need a plan to get it done right.
The same effort is necessary for resolutions to take shape and bring on change. The next time you make a resolution, invest in the time to think through all the potential potholes you may find yourself in.
For example, if you want to do 2 meditations per day, schedule your second meditation when you know you won’t be disturbed. Reasonably, you won’t want to start this practice when you’re planning a weekend away with a special someone. It makes sense to plan for where you know you will need to be careful so that you succeed.
4. We forget to give ourselves credit each day we keep our resolution.
Who says we need to be so critical all the time? If this sounds like you, it will help to relearn the idea that taking time to praise your successes one small step at a time is the key to making progress. Take the time to recognize the small successes.
Creating change naturally is a process. We benefit from the simple practice of self-encouragement and kindness. Why not say to yourself, “Wow! Good job waking up early 2 days in a row!”
Intentionally cheering yourself on is key to making progress. When you feel good, you will continue, especially later on when it gets tough. You can access the strengths you have accomplished and connect them to overcome the feelings to possibly quit or pause.
5. We neglect to dismantle the old habit links.
In order to create a daily habit it helps to associate the new habit with an existing habit. For example, if doing more pushups is your New Year’s Resolution, then linking this activity to a predictable daily behavior like brushing your teeth or walking the dog will better align the new habit to stick.
Likewise, dismantling the habit of eating non-nutritive snacks before bed requires disconnecting. Let’s say you usually do this while watching NetFlix, then pressing pause on the combination for a bit will anchor you towards change. Once you get out of the automatic behavior of bad snacking then you can resume your binging of ‘Flix.
Commitment, Intention and the Why
A strong why, nailing repetition, and having a plan will help to form your new habit and you will be better equipped to stay on track. Resolutions are like that; we dance with the idea of being resolute, maybe somewhat mindful about what needs to change, but little strategic planning.
Perhaps, it’s been many more failed attempts for change that go full speed ahead until the train derails. Acting from sheer willpower only works for so long. The connecting dots are simply having a “why” or a “desire,” repetition, and a plan that’s sandwiched into the process to shift into new long-term choices.
Improved wellness means committing to daily intentional choices that reflect what line up with your long-term desire. For example, you have an awakening that you want to drop those 10 pounds for better wellness so you decide on no treats, no carbs, and more exercise classes and a strategy. Combining your desire for weight loss with a larger goal of better health and an energetic life adds some rocket fuel to your plan.
When you keep your focus on the “why” or the “desire” then your shifts to a personal partnership. It’s a mindful story where the goal, your inner chatter, your daily food choices, join forces all for the desire to lead a better life. It stays in the forefront of your intentions and thoughts until that new habit through repetition is formed.
Flexible Plan, Not Rigid Rules
Interestingly, a 2018 study reports the extreme variability of how long it takes for a new habit to stick ranges between 18 and 254 days. What makes the difference in your New Year’s Resolutions sticking is daily repetition, where it becomes an integral part of your day life.
Aligning with a reason that hooks you into the partnership of change has a different time clock for each of us. Is it any wonder that intended change is often abandoned until the next New Year?
Potential problems arise when the actions become engulfed in a rigid standard with little room for flexibility and fluidity. Lifestyle changes do best when they mimic life. We need to go with the flow of what life brings. If we find we lose momentum, mindfulness implores us to be kind and get back on the track again. Being kind to ourselves means we get to climb out of that train of strict discipline and rigidity into a one that allows for ease and allowing.
Kindness and Flexibility Works
I’ve had a few more Holiday goodies and I may need to get back into alignment with eating better again!! Christmas traditions are not to be missed, so my new philosophy is to enjoy with moderation. If I am being real, I usually end up eating a bit too many chocolate squares (albeit dark chocolate with sea-salt and caramel that is seriously ridiculously sublime) and my version of my mom’s Italian Fig Cookies. Anyway, I have often demanded my strict new or tightened regimens begin promptly.
But this year, my rigid food rules had won their last battle and a good pivot was in order. I decided to kick that rigid rule to the curb in the form of gluten and dairy free pancakes, grass fed butter, and maple syrup. It was wonderfully delicious and liberating!
Imagine being free to eat a carb filled breakfast, ditch the rigidity, and yield to flexibility? Better still, how about freedom to once and for all trust that ownership for food choices means indulging in something I like now and again.
How to keep your New Year’s Resolutions? Making your New Year’s Resolutions stick has huge potential when intentionality, planning, repetition, and dismantling those old dog habits vaults you on the right track to change. Give yourself credit and honor your personality and you will end up with a viable plan to make change happen. The ticket is having all these plus your WHY. Your Why is that thing you remind yourself, that energy needed, for strongly desired goals to not be dumped. Your Why is the superglue sticking one thing at a time.
Arlinghaus, K. R., & Johnston, C. A. (2018). The Importance of Creating Habits and Routine. American journal of lifestyle medicine, 13(2), 142–144. https://doi.org/10.1177/1559827618818044https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6378489/
