If you’re a parent struggling with estrangement, you’ve probably come across social media advice that oversimplifies your personal experience. Some influencers tell parents to “just show up anyway” or ignore their child’s feelings. But does forcing your way back into your child’s life heal the rift?
In this post, we’re breaking down some of the most misguided social media advice on estrangement so you can avoid the traps that keep you stuck and start moving toward real growth.
The “Just Show Up Anyway” Mindset
Some social media creators encourage estranged parents to disregard boundaries and force their way back into their adult children’s lives. A prime example is “Doormat Mom,” who advises parents to show up uninvited, dismiss their child’s feelings, and refuse accountability. However, let’s be honest: this approach doesn’t rebuild trust. It confirms exactly why many adult children pulled away in the first place.
True reconciliation is not about defiance. It’s about self-reflection, personal growth, and genuine change. Relationships heal when trust is reestablished, not when parents impose their presence without consent. Adult children don’t typically cut ties on a whim or because it’s a trend. Research and the accounts of many estranged adult children show that most would have preferred their parents to seek help and acknowledge the issues that led to the estrangement.
While there are exceptions where adult children choose estrangement without attempting to work through conflicts first, this is not the majority. That said, there is an undeniable cultural shift where estrangement is becoming more openly discussed, sometimes fueling a social contagion effect. However, the core issue remains: many adult children desire to be heard and validated and to see genuine efforts toward change from their parents.
The Importance of Radical Acceptance
One of the biggest obstacles parents face in estrangement is resistance to what has happened. Holding onto resentment, anger, or a need to control the situation only deepens the emotional wounds on both sides. Radical acceptance, acknowledging reality as it is, without judgment, can be a powerful tool in your healing journey.
Radical acceptance doesn’t mean approving the estrangement or giving up hope for reconciliation. Instead, it lets you release the emotional grip that keeps you in pain. Accepting where your relationship stands today creates space to focus on self-care, personal growth, and intentional efforts to reconnect more healthily. When parents practice radical acceptance, they stop chasing after their adult children in desperation and start working on themselves, ultimately making reconciliation more likely.
The Danger of Wallowing in Grievance
Social media platforms often amplify echo chambers where parents stuck in grief over estrangement find validation without being challenged to self-reflect. Some influencers build large followings by centering themselves as victims, reinforcing that estrangement just happened to them rather than something past behaviors or unresolved conflicts may have influenced.
Creators like “Doormat Mom” normalize avoiding accountability, encouraging parents to stay in a place of anger rather than considering what they can do differently. This mindset keeps people stuck rather than fostering Healing. A productive approach would be to examine each person’s role in the estrangement and determine if any repair work can be done.
To be clear, if an adult child is abusive or manipulative, parents must establish healthy boundaries, just as adult children do when their parents have been harmful. No one should be subjected to ongoing mistreatment, regardless of which side of estrangement they are on. But for many parents, estrangement is not about escaping abuse; it’s about an adult child seeking emotional safety and Healing from painful family dynamics.
A Healthier Approach to Estrangement
Conversely, some social media voices offer more constructive insights into estrangement. A great example is “Recovering Elizabeth,” who shares her journey of recognizing how her behaviors contributed to her daughter’s estrangement. She expresses remorse, apologizes, and acknowledges the grief of losing her relationship status as a mother in her child’s life. Her willingness to take responsibility is inspiring and reflects what many adult children hope for when they confront their parents about past hurt.
When an adult child says, “You hurt me,” they hope for acknowledgment, remorse, and humility, not defensiveness, dismissal, or blame-shifting. This doesn’t mean parents should accept all blame or tolerate disrespect, but approaching the situation with openness and accountability can make a significant difference in whether a relationship can be repaired.
Finding a Balanced Perspective
It’s essential to be mindful of the content you consume about estrangement. Others, like Kenny Weiss, focus on emotional intelligence and Healing from past wounds, which can be invaluable for estranged parents and adult children.
Estrangement is deeply painful, and there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. But if reconciliation is your goal, avoiding misguided social media advice that encourages entitlement, boundary violations, or victimhood is crucial. Instead, focus on self-reflection, personal growth, and authentic efforts to rebuild trust. Healing is possible but starts with a willingness to change and a commitment to radical acceptance.
Healing from estrangement is a profoundly personal journey; there is no one-size-fits-all solution. While misguided social media advice can keep you in frustration or denial, real progress comes from radical acceptance, acknowledging your current reality, taking responsibility where needed, and focusing on what you can control.
Self-care is essential during this process. Prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being through therapy, journaling, meditation, or supportive communities can help you process grief and gain clarity. Reaching out for help through trusted friends, support groups, or professional guidance can also provide much-needed perspective and encouragement.
Rebuilding a relationship with your adult child requires patience, humility, and respect for boundaries. But regardless of the outcome, Healing is still possible. You are not alone in this journey; there is hope for peace, growth, and even reconciliation in time.
Remember to fill your cup with relationships and information that will assist you on your journey to be the human and parent you are not the wounded parent. Let’s foster the perspective that emphasizes compassionate, research-informed guidance for parents, encouraging self-reflection, personal growth, and radical acceptance rather than entitlement or forced reconciliation. Find comfort in a balanced, emotionally intelligent approach to Healing that honors both the parent’s grief and the adult child’s need for safety. Healing is possible. Whether reconciliation happens, peace and self-care remain within reach.
