For most, the bond between a mother and daughter is one of the most meaningful and intricate relationships one can experience. However, sometimes, despite the love and connection, this relationship can become strained, particularly during adulthood. Estrangement is a common issue that impacts both mothers’ and daughters’ lives and can lead to emotional distress, social isolation, adverse health outcomes, and strained family dynamics. This article will explore why adult daughters and mothers may become estranged, the impacts of estrangement, and five tips to prepare for reconciliation.
REASONS FOR ESTRANGEMENT:
There are several reasons that contribute to adult daughter and mother estrangement. One of the most common reasons is unresolved conflicts. When disagreements or disputes go unresolved, they can create a rift between mothers and daughters that can be challenging to overcome. Additionally, different values or lifestyles can make it hard for mothers and daughters to relate to each other. For example, a mother who values traditional family roles may struggle to connect with a daughter who wants to pursue a career and be independent. In some cases, estrangement may result from trauma or abuse during childhood or adulthood. Mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, addiction, and disordered eating can also contribute to estrangement between mothers and daughters.
Statistics reveal that estrangement between mothers and adult daughters is more common than many people realize. According to a study published in the Journal of Family Issues, approximately 12% of mothers and 10% of daughters reported being estranged from each other. Another study by the University of Michigan found that around one in five mothers and daughters reported not speaking to each other for extended periods. In a survey of over 1,000 people conducted by BetterHelp, 28% of the respondents reported being estranged from a family member, with mothers and daughters being the most commonly estranged family members. The same survey found that nearly half of the respondents who reported being estranged from a family member had not spoken to that person in more than five years.
IMPACTS OF ESTRANGEMENT:
Being estranged from a mother or daughter can profoundly impact a person’s life. One of the most significant consequences of estrangement is emotional distress, which can cause guilt, anger, sadness, and loneliness. When mothers and daughters are estranged, it can also impact relationships with other family members and friends, leading to feelings of social isolation. Estrangement can also have adverse health outcomes, including higher rates of depression, anxiety, and physical health problems. Additionally, estrangement can have a ripple effect on the entire family, creating tension and conflict between other family members.
FIVE TIPS TO PREPARE FOR RECONCILIATION:
Although repairing a relationship with an estranged mother or daughter can be challenging, it is possible. Here are five tips for preparing for reconciliation:
- Seek therapy: Seeking therapy can be helpful for both parties to work through their feelings and develop strategies for rebuilding their relationship. A therapist can help mothers and daughters understand each other’s perspectives and feelings.
- Practice empathy: Both mothers and daughters must try to understand each other’s perspectives and feelings. Empathy is essential for repairing any relationship.
- Communicate openly: Honest and open communication is essential for repairing any relationship. Both parties must be willing to share their thoughts, feelings, and needs honestly.
- Set boundaries: Both parties must be clear about their limitations and what they are willing to accept in the relationship. Setting boundaries can help prevent misunderstandings and conflicts.
- Be patient: Repairing a relationship takes time, so both parties must be patient and committed to the process. It is essential to remember that healing and reconciliation cannot happen overnight.
CONCLUSION:
In conclusion, estrangement between mothers and daughters is a complex issue that can significantly impact both parties’ emotional and physical well-being. However, it’s essential to understand that reconciliation is possible. By recognizing the reasons for estrangement and actively taking steps to repair the relationship, mothers and daughters can work towards building a stronger and healthier connection. Seeking professional support, practicing empathy, open communication, setting boundaries, and being patient are all valuable strategies to facilitate reconciliation. While it may take time, the rewards of a renewed connection and healing can be immeasurable.
Resources:
- About Mental Health – Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/mentalhealth/learn/index.htm
- Agllias, Kylie. Family Estrangement A Matter Of Perspective. New York, Routledge, 2017.
- BetterHelp. (2018, December 21). Nearly half of survey respondents have been estranged from a family member. https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/family/nearly-half-of-survey-respondents-have-been-estranged-from-a-family-member/
- Coleman, Joshua. Rules of Estrangement. New York, Harmony Books, 2020.
- Magaña, J., Parris, L., & Liu, F. (2017). Intergenerational estrangement between mothers and adult children: The role of norms and values. Journal of Family Issues, 38(14), 2007-2032. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X15606145
- Morin, M.L. [Morin Holistic Therapy]. (2021, September 8). Diaphragmatic Breathing: 5-Minute Deep Breathing Exercise for Beginners.
- Morin, M.L. [Morin Holistic Therapy]. (2022, January 4 ). What is Family Estrangement? You Are Not Alone.
- Morin, Marie. Feeling Heartbroken and Alone? How to Pick Up the Pieces When You Are Estranged. eBook. 2022.
- Morin, Marie. How to Deal with Estranged Family During the Holidays (2021, November 21) Sixty and Me. https://sixtyandme.com/estranged-family-holidays/
- Woods, A. G. (2012). Mothers and adult daughters: An exploration of predictors for needing and seeking professional help [Unpublished doctoral dissertation]. University of Michigan. https://deepblue.lib.umich.edu/handle/2027.42/93016
