Being cut off from your grandchildren feels like losing a key part of your family. It’s not just the absence of visits and hugs that hits the hardest—it’s the lost emotional connection. Grandparents often feel lost, angry, and deeply saddened. I understand that you desperately want to see your grandchildren, and these strategies can support you through this difficult time.
1. Surround Yourself with People Who Love and Value You
Being cut off from your grandchildren is incredibly tough. To get through this, it’s crucial to have people around who care about you. Isolation can make you feel worse, so try to stay connected with others. Here’s how:
Lean on Your Friends
If you already have friends who care about you, try to spend time with them. Arrange regular get-togethers, whether it’s for coffee, a walk, or a phone call. Talking and doing activities with friends can help take your mind off your worries and lift your spirits.
Meet New People
If you don’t have many local friends, finding new ways to connect with others is important. Look for opportunities to meet people who share your interests. Joining clubs, organizations, or groups can be a great way to make new friends.
Try these ideas:
- Community Centers: Join classes or activities offered at your local community center.
- Religious Institutions: Participate in social groups or volunteer opportunities at your place of worship.
- Volunteer Work: Volunteering for causes you care about can help you meet like-minded people.
- Online Communities: Join online forums or social media groups to connect with others in similar situations or interests.
Take Care of Your Mental Health
Maintaining your mental health is essential during this tough time. Social interaction can help reduce feelings of loneliness and provide emotional support. Being around others can also improve your mood and overall well-being.
- Ask yourself:
- Who makes me feel valued and supported?
- What activities can I do that involve being with other people?
- How can I meet new people and make new friends?
Share Your Feelings
Talking about your feelings with someone who understands can be very helpful. Whether it’s a close friend, a family member, or a support group, sharing your experiences can make you feel better and give you new insights.
Join Group Activities
Participating in group activities can also be beneficial. Whether it’s a book club, a fitness class, or a gardening group, being part of a community activity can give you a sense of belonging and something to look forward to.
Be Actively Involved
When you’re with others, try to be present and engaged. Listen to what they have to say, share your thoughts, and show interest in their lives. Building deeper connections takes effort, but it’s worth it for the support you’ll receive in return.
Understanding Estrangement
Estrangement can result from a significant argument, a fundamental disagreement about parenting styles, or long-standing family conflicts. Often, grandparents worry that their grandchildren think they abandoned them, especially if they were very engaged with them before the cutoff.
1.Create a Daily Routine and Focus on Self-Care
Taking care of yourself is super important, especially when you’re feeling the pain of not seeing your grandchildren. Having a daily routine and focusing on self-care can help you feel better and manage your emotions. Here’s how you can do it:
Set Up a Daily Routine
A daily routine can help you feel more normal and stable during tough times. It keeps you organized and gives you something to look forward to daily.
Morning Routine:
- Start with Breakfast: Eat a healthy breakfast to kickstart your day.
- Get Moving: Do some light exercise, like a walk or stretching, to boost your mood and energy.
- Plan Your Day: Take a few minutes to think about what you want to do today.
Afternoon Routine:
- Stay Busy: Keep yourself active with tasks like gardening, cleaning, or a hobby you enjoy.
- Eat Lunch: Have a balanced lunch to keep your energy up.
- Take Breaks: Remember to take short breaks to rest and relax.
Evening Routine:
- Unwind: Spend time doing something relaxing like reading, listening to music, or taking a warm bath.
- Healthy Dinner: Eat a nutritious dinner to end your day right.
- Reflect: Think about the good parts of your day and what you’re thankful for.
Focus on Self-Care
Self-care means taking action to care for your physical, emotional, and mental health. Here are some simple ways to do it:
Eat Well:
- Balanced Diet: Eat fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains.
- Drink Water: Stay hydrated by drinking plenty of water.
- Limit Junk Food: Try to avoid too much sugary and processed food.
Exercise:
- Find Fun Activities: Choose physical activities you enjoy, like walking, swimming, yoga, or dancing.
- Stay Consistent: Aim for at least 30 minutes of exercise most days.
- Mix It Up: Combine strength exercises with cardio for overall fitness.
Mental and Emotional Health:
- Relax: Practice mindfulness or meditation to reduce stress.
- Enjoy Hobbies: Spend time on hobbies and activities that make you happy, like painting, knitting, or playing music.
- Stay Connected: Keep in touch with friends and family. Social interaction is suitable for your emotional health.
Rest and Relaxation:
- Sleep Well: Try to get 7-9 hours of sound sleep each night.
- Relax Techniques: Use deep breathing, muscle relaxation, or visualization to unwind.
- Limit Screen Time: Reduce time spent on screens, especially before bed, to improve sleep.
Do What Makes You Happy
Include activities that bring you joy into your daily routine. These can be anything that makes you happy and relaxed.
- Get Creative: Try drawing, writing, or crafting.
- Enjoy Nature: Spend time outside, take nature walks, go to the garden, or sit in a park.
- Be Social: Join clubs, groups, or classes to meet new people and have fun.
- Learn Something New: Take up a new hobby, learn a language, or try playing a musical instrument.
Creating a daily routine and focusing on self-care can significantly affect your feelings. It gives you structure, purpose, and control during hard times. What new routines or self-care activities can you start adding to your day? Share your ideas and experiences in the comments below.
3. Find a Support Network
When grandparents can’t see their grandchildren because of family issues, it’s tough emotionally. Finding support from a group, therapist, or specialized coach who knows about family problems can be helpful. For example, I offer personal coaching and a program called “Embracing Renewal After Estrangement,” designed to help individuals cope with their feelings and find ways to feel better.
Emotional Support: Not seeing grandkids can be sad and hard. Talking to others in a group or with a therapist can give grandparents a safe place to share their feelings and get support. My coaching sessions give personalized advice on handling these emotions and finding ways to feel happier, and they offer hope and strategies for potential reconciliation.
Coping Strategies: My program gives step-by-step tips on handling tough feelings and building strength again after being unable to see grandkids. It helps grandparents learn how to manage their emotions and deal with family issues.
Practical Advice: Sometimes, there are legal or tricky family issues involved. I can help grandparents understand what they can do legally and give advice on how to talk to their adult kids or the parents of their grandkids.
Improving Relationships: My coaching sessions can also help grandparents figure out how to improve their family relationships. This might mean setting boundaries, having hard talks, or finding ways to understand each other better.
Feeling Stronger Together: Through coaching and my program, grandparents get personal help and join a group of others going through similar things. This can help them feel less alone and get support from people who understand.
By offering coaching and a program like mine, grandparents can get a lot of help dealing with their feelings, figuring out what to do next, and finding ways to feel better, even if they can’t see their grandkids right now.
4. Reflect and Educate Yourself on Boundaries
Understanding Boundaries: Grandparents must respect the decisions of their adult children, who are the parents of the grandchildren. This means understanding that everyone has their own life and reasons for why they might not be able to see each other.
Learning from Grandchildren’s Perspectives: To handle the situation better, grandparents can understand what their adult children and grandchildren need in their relationships. This includes how they like to be treated, how they communicate, and what they expect from each other.
Trying New Ways to Talk: Good communication is key to fixing problems and improving relationships. Thinking about how things were communicated in the past and trying new ways helps. This might mean listening better, showing that you understand their feelings, and trying not to get defensive.
Taking Responsibility and Trying to Change: It’s important to think about what might have caused the problem. It’s about admitting mistakes and being open to fixing them. This could mean changing how you act or how you talk to them.
Getting Help from a Counselor: Talking to a counselor can be a good idea. They can advise and help you understand things from a different perspective. They can also help you figure out how to better talk to your family members.
Committing to Making Things Better: If you want things to improve, you must be willing to understand and respect their feelings. This means being aware of how you act and being open to making changes that might help.
In short, for grandparents who are having a tough time seeing their grandchildren, understanding boundaries, listening to what their family needs, trying new ways to communicate, admitting mistakes, getting advice from a counselor, and being willing to change are all important steps to possibly improving the situation.
5. Respect Boundaries
Understanding Boundaries: Boundaries are like personal rules people set to feel comfortable and respected in their relationships. When your adult child says you can’t see your grandchildren right now, it’s important to understand and respect that decision.
Respecting Their Decision: If your adult child has decided on this boundary, pushing too hard to change their mind can worsen things. It might make them feel pressured or upset, further straining your relationship.
Why Boundaries Matter: Boundaries help everyone feel safe and respected. Respecting your adult child’s boundaries shows you care about their feelings and want to build trust. It also shows that you understand everyone needs space and time to sort things out.
Building Trust: Respecting boundaries can help you start rebuilding trust with your adult child. It shows you’re willing to listen and understand, even if you don’t agree with everything. This can pave the way for better communication and possibly healing the relationship in the future.
Finding a Balance: It’s natural to want to be close to your grandchildren, but balancing your desire with respecting boundaries is essential. You can show love and support in other ways, like sending cards or gifts, without pushing to see them if it’s not welcomed right now.
Being Patient and Understanding: Sometimes, it takes time for boundaries to change or for relationships to improve. Being patient and showing understanding can help rebuild connections. It’s about being there for your family, ready to listen and support when they’re ready.
Experiencing estrangement from a loved one, like a grandchild, can be tough emotionally. It often happens in stages that are similar to how people deal with grief. These stages dont happen in a straight line, and you can experience them in any order. They help explain the different feelings and experiences you might go through, from feeling shocked and not believing it at first to getting upset or angry, trying to make deals to change things, feeling sad, and eventually finding a way to accept the situation. Each stage helps us understand estrangement’s emotional ups and downs and how we can find peace and strength to move forward while still holding onto memories and hoping for better days ahead. Understanding these stages can give us insight and support as we navigate the challenges of being separated from someone we love.
The Stages of Grief
- Shock: When you first learn about the estrangement, you might feel completely shocked and numb. It can feel like a sudden blow, and you might experience physical symptoms like feeling sick or having trouble sleeping.
- Denial: Initially, you might try to convince yourself this is a misunderstanding or a phase that will pass quickly. You might hope things will return to how they were before the estrangement happened.
- Anger: As the reality of the situation sinks in, you might start to feel angry. This anger can be directed towards your adult child, spouse, yourself, or even the situation itself. Anger can sometimes serve as a shield, protecting you from deep sadness and helplessness.
- Bargaining: To regain control or make sense of the estrangement, you might find yourself making promises, offering compromises, or even praying for things to change. This stage can involve seeking ways to fix the situation, often in a desperate attempt to find a temporary sense of control.
- Depression: When it becomes clear that the estrangement is real and lasting, feelings of deep sadness and despair can set in. You might withdraw from others and lose interest in activities you once enjoyed because of the intense feelings of loss. This stage is difficult, and seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor is okay so you can better cope with these intense emotions.
- Acceptance: Over time, you begin to acknowledge the reality of the estrangement. Acceptance doesn’t mean you agree with or like the situation, but recognize it as part of your life now. This stage involves adjusting to new circumstances, focusing on your well-being, and finding meaning and fulfillment in other aspects of your life.
Conclusion
Being unable to see your grandchildren can be incredibly difficult. It’s important to respect their boundaries, consider seeking help from a professional if you’re struggling, and take care of yourself during this challenging time. Estrangement is complicated, and finding ways to communicate well while respecting boundaries is crucial. Stay tuned for my upcoming video about coping when you can’t communicate with your grandchildren.
While reconciliation is not guaranteed, it’s important to remain hopeful. Keep the door open for communication, and approach the situation patiently and persistently.
