Estrangement is the growing condition describing intentional separation from a parent, grief, and loss. When an adult child chooses estrangement from a parent, suffering and loss may feel overwhelming. How To Cope When Cut Off And Grieving (Five Essential Tips)
Estrangement and Grief
Grieving is a normal process that follows a loss, and it’s excruciating when you know that the loss came from an intentional separation. Knowing that someone you love chooses not to be a part of your life can cause confusion, guilt, depression, and feeling stuck. For parents who grieve the relationship status with their adult child, processing emotions is essential. Processing means giving attention and time to their feelings to move forward.
In each stage of grief, the emotions may overwhelm our nervous system if we’re not adequately addressing them. Sometimes the loss experience can become a prolonged unsettled state outside the average grief experience. We know this as Complex Bereavement Disorder. It happens when the pain and loss do not subside, and resuming functioning is challenging. Symptoms include:
- Intrusive thoughts.
- Preoccupation with the person lost.
- Feeling like you don’t know who you are without the person you lost.
- Emotional numbing.
- Intense pining for this person.
- Irritability.
- A passionate desire to reunite with your loved one.
- Feelings of hopelessness and purposelessness.
Some people get stuck and need treatment and support to recover and reintegrate into a life without the one they lost. If you feel like you cannot get a grip no matter how much time and effort you spend trying to process your grief alone, you may need additional support from a therapist to assist you in your journey.
Being in “limbo” with your estranged adult child is grueling. I use “limbo” to describe the in-between feelings of not knowing what’s happening and where to turn next. You might be contemplating a specific outcome with your adult child and your pining for resolution. The resources identified below will help you cope during this time of uncertainty so you can keep moving forward.
How To Cope When Cut off And Grieving (Five Essential Tips)
1. Become Informed
Empower your journey by remaining informed and educated on estrangement. Learn about the condition, why adult children separate, communication skills, how to best care for you, and how to decrease stress.
By engaging with other stories of estrangement, you’ll find that many others are dealing with similar situations.
Information on the many facets of estrangement can help you recognize relationship patterns you might not have otherwise known. Know what contributes to estrangement and what the research says so you can adopt empathy for yourself and your adult child.
2. Go Inwards
The onslaught of big feelings that come with estrangement requires time to sort out. To process, you must take the time to allow yourself to feel. Prioritize emotional visits to allow yourself to feel acceptance. Making space for your intense emotions will create safety and trust within yourself.
You are capable of feeling enormous compassion for yourself. Allow yourself to cry if it comes up. It may feel uncomfortable, and that’s okay. Name where you feel it in your body, become familiar with it, and tell yourself it’s okay to be where you are. When you feel a release, then let yourself rest.
It’s vital that after you go into these emotional visits, you do something afterward that brings you joy. Play with your dog, walk on the beach, meet up with a supportive friend, or cook your favorite meal. By doing this exercise, you’re letting yourself ventilate and process, decreasing the power of feelings of shame and guilt.
3. Commit to Self-Care
Self-care is a boundary you set for your wellness. A self-care routine establishes a relationship with yourself by addressing your physical, mental, and spiritual self. Learn how to love yourself despite feeling guilt, confusion, and sadness. You can build habits to sustain your self-care routines with small daily steps.
Self-care is more than a salon trip or lunch date. Access deeper parts of yourself by practicing breathing techniques. Commit to even one thing every day that you do just for yourself. It could be starting an exercise routine you’ve always wanted to try.
Practice meditation, even if only for five minutes, which is proven to reduce your stress levels. Find joy in spending time with yourself and know you are still worthy of love even in this challenging time.
By having a solid self-care routine, you commit to the most important relationship you will ever have, and that’s the one with yourself.
4. Have A Support System
On the other side of getting close to yourself, humans need connection. We are hardwired to be a part of a community. Support means you have people in your corner. It could feel tough to sustain other relationships while you feel stuck in your estranged condition.
Maintaining other connections could be challenging when you feel stuck in your estranged situation. Having people you can trust that allow you to express yourself will remind you that you are not alone. Having reliable connections and friendships will help relieve you from feeling trapped in your thoughts.
Most people do not wish to share their experiences due to feelings of shame. Having support from a therapist or relationship coach can help you navigate your way toward feeling less discomfort. Talking to a professional will provide a safe, non-judgmental place to vent what you’re experiencing.
5. Get Connected To Gratitude
Gratitude is a powerful practice that helps to align us with reality. When anxiety arises, remind yourself of one thing or person you are grateful for. Rest in the idea that there is something you can be thankful for, and what a gift that is. Create a gratitude journal where you commit to writing about three things you’re grateful for each day.
By focusing on some of the good you have, you will start to see a difference in your thought patterns. You can rise out of terrible feelings by being grateful for the other amazing things in your life.
Conclusion
Twenty-seven percent of the United States population is estranged. The widespread cultural shift of adult children cutting ties is personally experienced by hurting parents worldwide. Grieving is a depressing affair when an adult child chooses to cut off. Creating an intentional foundation will help you get unstuck and feel better. This article discusses How To Cope When Cut Off And Grieving (Five Essential Tips)
